Men Like Me
by Les Enfant Terrible
Summary: A short oneshot looking to explore and show the thoughts of Daryl Dixon in a way the man could never convey, based on arguably my favourite moment of season four, the conversation between Beth and Daryl at the moonshine hut. In short Daryl didn't believe men like him were able to change.


Changes

"What changed your mind?"

The question hung in the air like a bad smell and suddenly the ever present burn of moonshine felt that little bit more acute at the back of my throat. I thought about giving back some smart-arse response, thought about shouting and screaming at the youngest Greene girl, thought about stalking off into the woods. The mere thought brought a cool, twisted grin to my face, that was what the old Daryl would have done. I settled for staring into the crackling flames and not for the first time mentally cursed the fact that I was becoming so easy to read, to unravel.

Not for a minute did I think of telling her the truth, the truth that had cut through my drunken haze and every single hair on the back of my neck to prickle and stand to attention.

She just doesn't understand, doesn't get it, hope doesn't stop your guilt riddled dreams, dosent stop the drinking and abuse, hope doesn't find your next meal. Hope is nothing but a fanciful notion for those who want someone else to do all the hard work for them. Hope was future tense, in a world where everyone had to live from one day to the next, there was no space to think that far ahead.

_At least, that's what the old Daryl would think._

"You look at me and see just another dead Girl"

Death was all around, impossible to avoid as it tried to sink its gnashing teeth into your arm, your leg or any other part humanly possible. The stench clung to the air, to your clothes and your skin. Death itself had wormed its way into our blood ready to take control before we were even cold. But that was the least of anyone's worries, the constant shadow over this new world had darkened the hearts and minds of men, taught them to see others as one of three things, asset, threat or liability. This blonde girl, with her naïve hope and small frame definitely fell into the latter…

_It was survival of the fittest, and he would be best served leaving her behind_

"You're going to miss me when I'm gone Daryl Dixon"

There was a novel idea, Daryl Dixon , lone hunter and emotionally twisted man missing the company of a girl he had known for a mere fraction of his life. Men like me, they don't get to miss people, they get to deal with guilt that boils in your stomach, making you want to rip out you're insides like a ravenous walker. And that's if your lucky, often men like me feel nothing but a cold indifference.

_I wonder if it is possible to miss something when you are innately incapable of shoeing affection?_

I looked up from the fire and across at those blue orbs, the light dancing and flickering in them like some wild spark, itching to be freed. Our eyes met for a split second and my whole body flooded with a warmth too deep to be simply due to the copious amounts of alcohol.

"You changed me mind" It was barely more than muted grunt and she pretended not to notice, but all at once a much stronger voice started beating back the selfish poisonous voice occupying my head.

I had to come to care far more for Beth, for every single member of my messed up, half crazy new found family and the pain of losing them would be matched only by the guilt that I was unable to do anything about it. The truth was I cared for Beth far more than most, probably far more than a man my age should, but that was just it I no longer saw her as another Sophia, another dead girl and that was because the person sat before me was every inch a woman, a woman who had survived far longer and far better than men twice her size. But still, she had not changed, she still loved, she still believed in good, still trusted men like me could change. That in itself proved the power of hope, hope that one day things would go back to normal…And to be brutally honest, all they had right now was hope.

The truth is, Beth Greene you changed me, and the truth is liberating.

_So that's it, the first piece of fanfiction I've written and published in a long time. I'm just someone looking to ease the TWD cravings between seasons and I know this is is not brilliant, but its just something I wanted to try and explore. As such any feedback is eagerly awaited and accepted._

_Until next time...L.E.T. _


End file.
